I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
