I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
