I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
