nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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