Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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