thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
