i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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