I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
