I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
