i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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