I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
