I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
