Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
