Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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