I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
not ubering you a puppy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
