So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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