I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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