I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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