i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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