listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
