Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
