There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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