Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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