cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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