i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
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You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
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Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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