I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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