I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
