Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That was an excessively violent trivia night
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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