His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We are all done wearing pants today
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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