It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
