Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
