I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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