I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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