At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
BRING THE BAGELS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
