and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
ugly people sure do ruin things
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
