I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
