i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
