remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
