girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
