Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
