Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
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Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I need a burrito and a hug.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up