No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked