whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to