Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.

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  (617): This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us. http://tfl.nu/j1fo
  Replies (11) Good night (2206) Bad night (874)
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  (353): View more from

  When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head

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  (353): When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head http://tfl.nu/g0x9
  Replies (14) Good night (1823) Bad night (3286)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.

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  (401): Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile. http://tfl.nu/y928
  Replies (5) Good night (5590) Bad night (1103)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat

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  (630): I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat http://tfl.nu/13uk
  Replies (29) Good night (1309) Bad night (4288)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.

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  (617): creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack. http://tfl.nu/jtst
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (4395)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.

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  (270): I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut. http://tfl.nu/p9pu
  Replies (17) Good night (1148) Bad night (2424)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship

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  (401): Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship http://tfl.nu/zpw1
  Replies (12) Good night (1189) Bad night (3600)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.

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  (706): I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth. http://tfl.nu/hreh
  Replies (1) Good night (1542) Bad night (897)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.

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  (509): I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore. http://tfl.nu/24ew
  Replies (10) Good night (1158) Bad night (2237)
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  (707): View more from California

  come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.

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  (707): come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/6h34
  Replies (17) Good night (2189) Bad night (2658)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.

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  (618): I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up. http://tfl.nu/sv5z
  Replies (4) Good night (1796) Bad night (1466)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.

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  (708): It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin. http://tfl.nu/e5ml
  Replies (12) Good night (1051) Bad night (669)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know

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  (727): You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know http://tfl.nu/dtxn
  Replies (6) Good night (791) Bad night (404)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind

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  (517): how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind http://tfl.nu/fj2o
  Replies (4) Good night (365) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.

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  (585): You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away. http://tfl.nu/8ccj
  Replies (2) Good night (720) Bad night (347)

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