Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
