On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
