THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
