You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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