I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
