So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
