I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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