I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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