3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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