I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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