You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he shaved USA in his pubs
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
