you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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