Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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