While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
