Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
