Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
