do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
