Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
