Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
