I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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