my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
