East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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