I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
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What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
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She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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