I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
