Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
