Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize