Someone shit on the floor
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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