i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize