Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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