My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
